Not homeless yet, but will be in a very few days unless one of the many job applications I've sent out materializes as a job offer and paycheck in record time.
Still, close enough to contemplate how I got here.
First, I haven't had paid employment for almost 6 years now. One key factor for this was concentration on school.
I started college late--at age 31--and for the first few years of college, the GI Bill offset most of my living requirements as well as a relationship that turned sour, then vicious. Once the GI Bill was mostly gone--paying more lifestyle support than education for my partner--I worked part time but once the relationship turned vicious my grades dropped precipitously and I had to stop working to concentrate on classes and drag my GPA back above 3.0.
The second key factor for this long gap was when my stepfather suffered a pathological (caused by disease) spinal fracture very shortly after I graduated.
My mother has a hard time doing many daily living tasks and my stepfather--in addition to working--took care of most of those until his back gave out at work one day. After several weeks of trying to avoid seeing a doctor for it, he finally went in and was diagnosed with a fractured vertebra and lung cancer. So my job became physically moving and supporting him, helping with his medication until the combination of pain and pain killers decreased enough to let him manage his own medications, and generally being the strong-back and minder for him throughout his recovery and then starting chemotherapy.
Which doesn't exactly leave much time to accept a job when you're expected to be awake and available whenever my mother wasn't which was all day, almost every weekday.
So, I didn't look for work that strongly to avoid creating a conflict with that responsibility.
Even when I did--after he began to recover enough--we went from "You must be out by X date." to the same requirement a few months later over and over prompting me to only look for full time work.
Except I 1) lacked any money at all, 2) live in a primarily industrial zone, and 3) live at the tail end of a public transportation line--all of which don't make it particularly easy to find work especially in light of another factor...
...my work history.
Not only is there a huge gap in my work history, but I also have zero experience doing food service work, sales--especially retail and call center work--and no explicit management experience. Combined with my profound lack of "purple squirrel" skills like 3-5 years experience on computer operated lathes, 3-5 years experience doing IT support on networked Windows-based networks, a master's degree in academic counseling, a CDL with certification for school buses, etc., etc,. etc, and a recession, it's more than a little hard to jump into the job market with a full time job.
Oh, and I'm not bilingual.
But, that's not my only mistake.
See, for the last 4 years I've had only about $100 cash move through my hands. That's total for all 4 years.
Which really doesn't do much for socializing or maintaining social networks or connections.
I mean, I've had internet access for most of the time and a cell phone, but when social connections are usually maintained by shared interests and activities, never being able to go participate puts social investment from others pretty low on their list and I can understand that.
I've had friends drift into "acquaintanceship", and acquaintances drift off period, and there's very few people who I would feel okay even asking for a favor at this point, let alone something important like a place to stay or other help.
Honestly, how can I ask someone to commit to helping me out like that when I haven't gotten past an occasional initial interview in years?
I know part of the reason is the recession and location, but I feel almost like I'm not bringing anything to the table anymore.
Won't give up though.
Still hoping and trying.
Even though I'm--literally--looking for places I can hide a tent, try to get water, avoid police interaction, and figuring out how to panhandle even while I help my mother and step-father move into their new place in a retirement community.
I've got someplace to stash most of my stuff so--hopefully, eventually, when I get an income--I can start over with at least something. I'm looking for someplace to stash a bag with work clothes, interview clothes, a set of hair clippers, and some hygiene items so--if anyone did call and offer a job--I'd at least be able to meet them in a presentable manner.
I've got some survival gear. A pack, some canteens, a tent, a sleeping bag, a knife or two. Don't know where I'd go initially.
I've applied for food stamps and other stuff, but will wait until Monday for the interview (or Tuesday, if it's a holiday). So, maybe, at least, I'll have access to food and clean water.
Still...
I still need to check and see if anyone will let me haunt their yard with a tent. I still need to complete stashing my stuff and splitting out what I am going to take with me and what I'm going to try to get people to hold onto for me.
Maybe I'll take a notebook or two and spend some time doing some participant observation of homeless people? Maybe, some day in the future it'll be something worthwhile.
Don't know.
Just trying to keep things together--mentally--try to throw some last "Hail Mary" attempts at avoiding homelessness out there, even while I'm full of dread.
Can't give up. Too spiteful for that.
